2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
