Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
