Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
