I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
