The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
