I just made out with a guy for $7.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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