I'm pants shitting drunk right now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
