and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
