ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
