Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
