So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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