Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
