So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
