I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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