just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
