I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
