All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
