Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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