i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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