fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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