I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
