He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
accomplished twins. life is a go
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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