I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
