Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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