Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
i've created a new STD.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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