I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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