OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
