running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
