I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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