Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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