OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
