watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
