Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
