That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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