if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
