Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
