Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
