quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
