I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't make out with my wife yet
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
