i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
