your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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