Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
