Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
