as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
