I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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