It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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