I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
