I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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