Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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