she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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