So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
