I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she peed on how many people?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
